Ordered this as a present for Christmas.
Christmas morning came.
Has he been?
He has!
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmyyyyy!!!! Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddy!!!! Can I get up yet?
Of course, schnuckums. Iiiiiiittttt'sssss Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiisstmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas.
So there we are. Half past three in the morning. I can't get no sleep.
Schnuckums picks up their stocking with the aid of the forklift truck they got last year. They deftly manoeuvre through the door, across the landing, round the cat and through another door. It's a slow process and were it not for the beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, another half hour of sleep could be stolen. Still, that's something with which I ought to update my forklift review and has no effect on either the lava or the lamp.
Schnuckie Bear excitedly emptied their sack on the bed and dived right in. An orange, some coal, a pencil, the usual. They took it all in their stride, light-heartedly goading Santa for lack of originality once again when suddenly: they stopped. There it was!
The wrapped oblong of desire.
Could it be? It couldn't, could it? It could be but it can't! I can't open it but what if it was? What if it is? What if? With all these questions bouncing off the wall, disturbing a sleeping spider, Schnuckums could wait no more. Whoosh, snap, rrrrrrip. The wrapping was on the floor.
Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanttaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! It's a lava laaaaaamp. Just like the ones Daddy talked about at university when he used them to light all of the homework he did with Uncle David when they listened to all of that Future Sound of London music to help them focus on their work.
It's what I've always wanted! Thanks, Santa.
Excitedly, and with daybreak still an envious amount of hours away, the box was opened, the base and glass placed together, the lamp was plugged in and it was ready.
We waited.
And waited.
Can't be long now.
4 hours passed.
Shouldn't we get up for church?
No way, we're not missing the show.
4 hours passed. We decided to work shifts: 32 minutes on, 32 minutes off each hour. We even built an overlap so nothing would be missed and a full report could be handed over with each shift change.
The turkey remained in the fridge. Quality Street Sandwiches became the Christmas meal, consumed individually in the bedroom with at least one eye always on the LL. We have put so much into Lava Lamp that by now we had anachnonized it. LL had a Welsh accent and was developing a bulshy personality.
Stephen's Day came and went without any boxing.
On the 28th, Schnuckums swore they saw the first lava shape form. Nobody else saw it.
By the 30th, we had all agreed that Schnuckums was suffering from delirium: there was no lava shape.
31st: surely it can't be long now?
New Year came and went and by January 14th, it was time to admit defeat. The school had been calling with growing concern that Schnuckums had missed the first 10 days of the year and were no longer accepting "LL Activity Monitoring" as a valid learning experience for which they could be excused from the classroom any longer.
On the 15th, our power was cut off. Electric Avenue had been very considerate and called us several times before finally cutting off the power but we had not paid the bill. How could we? They would only speak with the account owner and he was busy watching LL or sleeping in 28 minute instalments.
It was a sad morning on January 15th. As the power was cut, LL slowly died before us. The glow extinguished.
Schnuckums was beside themself, beside me and reached out for one last wave goodbye, accidentally scolding their hands in the process. LL had promised so much but even after 3 weeks plugged in - some of the finest we had spent with any A-rated electrical appliance (even including the summer holiday by the mountain lake with a Nutrijet) - we had to admit defeat.
Amazon were very good about it. Of course they were. They gave us our money back when LL returned to their home but that is it. I don't know if we'll ever go for one of LL's cousins as the pain and heartbreak can be just too much.
LL: you promised so much but delivered so little. Was it one of the best times of our lives? Sure. Would be buy one again? I don't think so. Would we recommend you to someone else? I'm sorry; i just can't do it.
Goodbye LL. xx
Christmas morning came.
Has he been?
He has!
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmyyyyy!!!! Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddy!!!! Can I get up yet?
Of course, schnuckums. Iiiiiiittttt'sssss Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiisstmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas.
So there we are. Half past three in the morning. I can't get no sleep.
Schnuckums picks up their stocking with the aid of the forklift truck they got last year. They deftly manoeuvre through the door, across the landing, round the cat and through another door. It's a slow process and were it not for the beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, another half hour of sleep could be stolen. Still, that's something with which I ought to update my forklift review and has no effect on either the lava or the lamp.
Schnuckie Bear excitedly emptied their sack on the bed and dived right in. An orange, some coal, a pencil, the usual. They took it all in their stride, light-heartedly goading Santa for lack of originality once again when suddenly: they stopped. There it was!
The wrapped oblong of desire.
Could it be? It couldn't, could it? It could be but it can't! I can't open it but what if it was? What if it is? What if? With all these questions bouncing off the wall, disturbing a sleeping spider, Schnuckums could wait no more. Whoosh, snap, rrrrrrip. The wrapping was on the floor.
Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanttaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! It's a lava laaaaaamp. Just like the ones Daddy talked about at university when he used them to light all of the homework he did with Uncle David when they listened to all of that Future Sound of London music to help them focus on their work.
It's what I've always wanted! Thanks, Santa.
Excitedly, and with daybreak still an envious amount of hours away, the box was opened, the base and glass placed together, the lamp was plugged in and it was ready.
We waited.
And waited.
Can't be long now.
4 hours passed.
Shouldn't we get up for church?
No way, we're not missing the show.
4 hours passed. We decided to work shifts: 32 minutes on, 32 minutes off each hour. We even built an overlap so nothing would be missed and a full report could be handed over with each shift change.
The turkey remained in the fridge. Quality Street Sandwiches became the Christmas meal, consumed individually in the bedroom with at least one eye always on the LL. We have put so much into Lava Lamp that by now we had anachnonized it. LL had a Welsh accent and was developing a bulshy personality.
Stephen's Day came and went without any boxing.
On the 28th, Schnuckums swore they saw the first lava shape form. Nobody else saw it.
By the 30th, we had all agreed that Schnuckums was suffering from delirium: there was no lava shape.
31st: surely it can't be long now?
New Year came and went and by January 14th, it was time to admit defeat. The school had been calling with growing concern that Schnuckums had missed the first 10 days of the year and were no longer accepting "LL Activity Monitoring" as a valid learning experience for which they could be excused from the classroom any longer.
On the 15th, our power was cut off. Electric Avenue had been very considerate and called us several times before finally cutting off the power but we had not paid the bill. How could we? They would only speak with the account owner and he was busy watching LL or sleeping in 28 minute instalments.
It was a sad morning on January 15th. As the power was cut, LL slowly died before us. The glow extinguished.
Schnuckums was beside themself, beside me and reached out for one last wave goodbye, accidentally scolding their hands in the process. LL had promised so much but even after 3 weeks plugged in - some of the finest we had spent with any A-rated electrical appliance (even including the summer holiday by the mountain lake with a Nutrijet) - we had to admit defeat.
Amazon were very good about it. Of course they were. They gave us our money back when LL returned to their home but that is it. I don't know if we'll ever go for one of LL's cousins as the pain and heartbreak can be just too much.
LL: you promised so much but delivered so little. Was it one of the best times of our lives? Sure. Would be buy one again? I don't think so. Would we recommend you to someone else? I'm sorry; i just can't do it.
Goodbye LL. xx
