Four-ninety. To. Heathrow. Terminal Five.

The bus is half-empty with most of my fellow voyagers enjoying the rarity of a double seat to themselves. I am occupying the second best seat, just beyond the rear doors, slightly raised to allow a full panorama of the equivalent of the sun rising on a beautiful day: leaving Wigley Road, Hanworth to head for Feltham Police Station. Life does not get better than this.

Anecdotal Evidence: Idiocy, Overheard. An infrequently updated blog of the stupidity my ears encounter while out and about

1.5 Minutes of Your Life That You Won't See Again*

*this is the correct amount of time that you should waste reading the drivel that follows. This figure is accurately calculated by this blogger's own reading speed, coupled with the correct intonation and stumbling over the complex alliteration in the fourth paragraph. My phone rang during the fifth paragraph and therefore for authenticity, you should re-commence from the start of paragraph four, allowing additional time for the alliterative stumble. If you have finished sooner and are thinking of having a cup of tea, a bowl of cereal or watching a series of 24 with your spare time then may I suggest you have read too fast and should start again from the beginning? Whatever you do, do not waste additional time re-reading this asterisked paragraph as it does not count towards the sum total the second time you read it. Now hurry up, the Go has already, set and gone and you're twenty-seven seconds behind.