Holiday Thaime

Ah la danse de vacances, my uncoordinated friend, how wonderful it is to see you. I take it you've brought with you the siblings of stress: Panic Packing, Awaiting Taxi and the very evil, Taxi Awaiting?

Kenmare: police report lead in solving gridlock mystery

Four-ninety. To. Heathrow. Terminal Five.

The bus is half-empty with most of my fellow voyagers enjoying the rarity of a double seat to themselves. I am occupying the second best seat, just beyond the rear doors, slightly raised to allow a full panorama of the equivalent of the sun rising on a beautiful day: leaving Wigley Road, Hanworth to head for Feltham Police Station. Life does not get better than this.

Little Wonk

Dear Loops,

Where on earth did that go? We were counting in weeks; then months and now it's fractions. Somehow you are now a quarter! I'm not really up on all the percentile information which most would agree is a bit strange for me as usually I'm the one doing the math. All I know is that you're doing well, growing as expected and that you're tall. No surprise there then.

Hole

I know what you're thinking. MG.C, you mm have to be aah one of the most mm tolerant people I've never met aah.

Mm you befriended Banka Barrister Johnson mm and went so far as mm to propose marriage mm between your fictitious grandchildren mm. The one thing mm that nobody would mm say about you is that mm you are intolerant. Mm.

And you'd be right. Aah. I'd consider myself aah to be tolerant and a champion of the underdog. Aah. I Iived in Wales. Aah. And France. Mm. I support Wycombe Wanderers. Aah. I've served my time. Aah.

But as I sit here on the H22 to Richmond Manor Circus mm and the woman mm in front of me aah cannot get a word in edgeways with the person to aah whom she is on the phone and therefore mm compensates by liberally pebble-dashing the silence aah with mms mm and aahs mm, I envisage nothing more aah than shoving one of those mm foil-trayed Highland Toffees from the eighties into her tedious mouth mm.

My own fault. I should have realised as it's only two days since I sat in front of the same aah woman going in the opposite direction. I know what you're thinking; H22 to Hounslow Bell Corner. Eh eugh. 490 to Heathrow. Terminal 5. Aah.