It's Not

I am sitting on a tube next to David Dickinson. It is in all
likelihood not David Dickinson. Is David Dickinson the orange one in
one of those Antiques Roadshow rip-offs where they not only value the
tat but flog it too?
I am sitting next to not David Dickinson. He is wearing a wide
pin-stripe. He is orange. Probably not as orange as David Dickinson
but not David Dickinson can be proud of his citrus fakeness.

Not David Dickinson is writing an email. To Bruce. Not David Dickinson
is being a little playful. Not David Dickinson does not let me see any
more of the screen. This is not an exam, not David Dickinson.
Therefore I can only surmise that Bruce is not David Dickinson's son,
not Bruce Dickinson, not lead singer of not AC/DC. Hang on. Is it not
not AC/DC who not Bruce Dickinson does not lead sing for? I think I am
mixing him up with someone else.

Not Bruce Dickinson's surname is not Dickinson. I can see not David
Dickinson's screen now. Not (now not) Bruce Dickinson's surname is
Bishop. Not Dickinson. They work together.

Had not David Dickinson been not Bruce Dickinson's father then this
would have been eye-brow raising. They are of much the same age. It
would have been my duty - and yours, now that I have made you aware of
this - to report the strange paternity situation to the CPA. I'm not
sure if the CPA is the correct authority but they'd be able to pass
you on to the correct acronym. But they're not. So you don't.

Not David Dickinson has just been sat upon by a rumbustuos lady.

Thus ends my tube journey.