Sunday, 11 November 2012

Thepid Tai

Friday we ordered some food online. Today I received an email asking me to review the food/quality/service and took a great amount of time and thought to write my review. It seems that the people at Hungry House

don't like the cut of my spinnaker and have not published my informative and useful review. I will therefore paste it here and instantly, seven people in Lithuania, Germany and India will think twice about ordering Thai from Thai Square, Richmond. My work here is done.

"Very disappointed on Friday when ordering from Thai Square. I'm sure the quality of the food is quite adequate and the taste not unpleasant, however it needs to be served with a tube of Sensodyne for those whose teeth are sensitive to the cold.

If I was French, I would intimate that I am extremement decu. However, I am not and therefore cannot comment on how our Gallic cousins would have reacted. 

My very British view, nevertheless, would be one which would assume that if the establishment offers a delivery service, then they would ensure that the delivery would be delivered in a manner and within a timeframe which is appropriate to the food. 

Our food arrived. It didn't appear to be late and the delivery chap made no reference to any mechanical issues nor traffic incidents en route from his establishment to my abode. The nice chaps at Google Maps tell me that from Thai Square, Richmond to my abode is 3.6 miles and an eight minute journey. In current driving conditions, the Google Maps Chaps estimate that the journey will take 10 minutes. However, let's be overly-generous and say that on Friday night at much the same time as I am writing this now, the journey would have taken no more than 15 minutes. Had it been longer, the delivery chap would surely have apologised and refused my extraordinarily generous tip.

The atmospheric conditions were neither clement nor inclement. The roads were dry. There was no cloud cover. The evening would be a cold one. The night colder.

Were I to be the manager of Thai Square, Richmond and, let's face it, it's the ultimate dream but only the extremely lucky and very small minority will feature as the chosen few who attain this culinary pinnacle... were I to be the manager of Thai Square, Richmond and were I to input on the delivery logistics of my fine fare then I would conjure up some basic algorithms to alleviate my customers' stress and to lower the unwarranted market share of Sensodyne.

Let distance from Thai Square, Richmond to customer's abode = m
Let external temperature = c
Let the meaning of life = 42, for this is a constant.

For every order where 42/mc2 <= 1.5, think to use an insulated bag and not just a thin tupperware box in a carrier bag, swinging from the handlebars of an L-plated moped. 

Thank you, Thai Square, Richmond. However, at the same time, no thank you; you won't be seeing me again unless I win the lottery and am passing your door with a hankering for some tepid Thai. I feel fleeced and that's not a look I want to wear these cold autumnal evenings."

1 comment:

  1. Steve this is brilliant. Can't wait for the book also get down to Thai square and get your money back !


Come on, spit it out. You're not normally this quiet so let's hear your thoughts.