Monday, 28 January 2013

Anja and Banka - Heroes

Dear Anja,

It is with great delight that I opened my mailbox this morning. It is something which I look forward to each and every morning and even more so today when discovering you had emailed.

While we do not know each other yet and others may treat such unsolicited emails with suspicion, I embrace the contact and think of you as a friend I have not yet met.

I once received a similar communication from His Royal Togalesan Highness's eminent assistant, Dr Barrister Banka Johnson. Perhaps you know or at least have heard of him? If not, you will surely encounter him for he is a man of great altruism and compassion. He too contacted me about great financial opportunities of which I was not aware and, while he is busy pursuing the red tape, dotting the Ts and crossing the swords which will cement our friendship to the tune of several million dollars, this allows me the opportunity to respond to your thoughtful and kind email.

At first, dear Anja, I was confused. Seven crores ten lakhs, I have to admit, meant little to me. I thought perhaps you were promoting a new fantastical movie such as JRR Ewing's The Habbit. However, further research has revealed the truth and now I consider myself enlightened to the numbering system current in many Indian, Pakistanian and Bangladeshoirian societies. I realise that in blunt terms, the figure of which you speak is several monkies, ponies, scores and tens. I have therefore made the firm decision to invest your funds in a cricketing sporting financial menagerie.

I am further delighted to learn that this spontaneous gesture emanates from His Very Highness, Lord Will.I.Am Gates. While I have not purchased any product from his popular Microsoft Corporation in many many moons, I am aware of his chariterstic endeavours and therefore am not surprised to learn that this does not ineligiblatize me from the 2012 draw.

Therefore my dear friend, Anja, I am both delighted and honoured to respond to your request by providing the information requested below. I am sure you are aware of the need of discretion in dealing with such sums and, with this in mind, I ask that you deal directly with my representative who is fully conversant with matters of such a discreet nature and I have copied him to this correspondence:

*age: four score, three moons and six
*sex: male
*name: Johnson, Barrister Banka
*address: Togo
*mobile number: 01 811 8081
*occupation: Hero

With my kindest of regards and a little bit of love.

On 20/12/2012, Anja Timmer <> wrote:
> --
> Your mailbox was successfully selected in the on going Microsoft 2012 draw
> and you have been awarded a whooping sum of Seven crores Ten lakhs. please
> provide
> Age*
> Sex*
> Name*
> Address*
> mobile number*
> occupation*
> Thank you.

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