Monday, 20 February 2012

Re: Job Application

From: MG.C
Date: Mon, 20 Feb 2012 08:31:35 +0000
Subject: Re: Notification

Dear David,

First of all, I must say how impressed I am with your quick thinking;
the very same day that you had to deal with the departure of Mr
Capello and the inevitable press interest and intrusions, you had the
foresight to change your email name to 'The Human Resources Team',
thereby throwing all of our 'friends' involved in The Leveson Inquiry'
off the scent. I am very impressed by this attention to detail and
willlingness to keep a veil of secrecy over proceedings.

I also would like to thank you for taking the time to write back to me
so promptly, promising that you would endeavour to respond to my query
within 14 working days. We are now approaching 12 calendar days since
you kindly replied though I like to think that you are of the same
opinion as me: when doing something you enjoy so much, every day is a
working day and the 14th working day is  therefore tomorrow. I am
exceptionally excited this cold Monday morning to think that in just
two days' time, we will be shaking hands over a tracksuit with my
initials prominently displayed, with a backdrop of Wembley Stadium and
a select few of the world's elite photographers capturing the occasion
for all posterity.

Dave, I do have one concern though. While Football Focus, Match of the
Day and presumably their homologues on Sky (my Skybox is broken, you
couldn't have a word with Andy Gray and get me a new one?) talk about
you refining a short list, I naturally assume I am on it. Of course I
am, if I wasn't you would have let me know. However, I will need to
get my haircut before the press conference and am not sure whether
this would be better done today or tomorrow. Would you mind letting me

I've been thinking a lot of late about my impending career and
am very excited to have you as my wing man. I've been thinking about
who to have as my captain and I have settled on JT. He will bring
great experience to the position. He is used to dealing with the
press, handling numerous embarrassing incidents (not least his years
spent with N Sync) and will also increase the number of female fans.
You'll need to have a word with Immigration but I'm sure it won't be a
problem. You ran rings round them with Owen Hargreaves and he didn't
even bother trying to disguise his accent. It seems you can convince
them that white is black, black is white. You may want to try to help
JT out with his upcoming legal battle.

Anyway, enough of that. I will leave it there, Dave. I'm a busy man
and need to meet with my Monaccan financial advisors; they have
suggested a new savings scheme for me. Let me know if you want me to
pass on their details.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.


On 08/02/2012, <> wrote:
> Thank you for emailing We appreciate your interest in The
> FA Group and will endeavour to respond to your query within 14 working days.
> Regards,
> The Human Resources Team

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