Anecdotal Evidence: Idiocy, Overheard. An infrequently updated blog of the stupidity my ears encounter while out and about

1.5 Minutes of Your Life That You Won't See Again*

*this is the correct amount of time that you should waste reading the drivel that follows. This figure is accurately calculated by this blogger's own reading speed, coupled with the correct intonation and stumbling over the complex alliteration in the fourth paragraph. My phone rang during the fifth paragraph and therefore for authenticity, you should re-commence from the start of paragraph four, allowing additional time for the alliterative stumble. If you have finished sooner and are thinking of having a cup of tea, a bowl of cereal or watching a series of 24 with your spare time then may I suggest you have read too fast and should start again from the beginning? Whatever you do, do not waste additional time re-reading this asterisked paragraph as it does not count towards the sum total the second time you read it. Now hurry up, the Go has already, set and gone and you're twenty-seven seconds behind.

Press one for yes, zero for no.

Dear Loops,

Jeez you gave us a scare, pretending you've got a Kango hammer without telling us. Still, you know there's nothing we like to do more than visit as many acronyms in as short a space of time as possible. QMH, KHMU and TGE in the space of 24 hours is something of a new record for us. Oh, AOK, too. That's the important one.

Oh, David. Really?

Dear Dave,

I assume that, like me, you are preparing for your sojourn to the fête this afternoon in which ever quaint little village you reside. Or perhaps you're pretending to be down with the proletariat, donning a pair of comedy shades and a whistle and heading for Nattin Eel?

Power Cut

We're in the midst of a power cut. Well, I say 'we' but that's very much a collective 'me on my own plus unknown muffled voices down the street, presumably talking about the Blitz and having to fetch water from a tap in the street and how you don't get summers like you used to do you no you don't'.

Auld fellas overheard.

Auld fella Suited: Sure, I listen to the radio all the time. You know the Today Programme on Radio 4?
Auld fella Capped: Now, I wouldn't be one for the radio. I'm a TV man.
Auld fella Suited: Eastenders and Coronation Street and all that shite?
Auld fella Capped: Noooo. I wouldn't have time for all that shite. I'm a film man. I love a John Wayne, a cowboy film, ya know?
Auld fella Suited: Gay.